Light & Illusion - Space, Science Fiction & Nature Art

Out of Frustration Comes Beauty

Yesterday was a very frustrating day with two of my designs failing to render (one of the problems that comes with having to use freeware software). I debated last night whether to even try to render this piece, which was to be the third in a three matching piece set. I loved the colors so much I decided to take the chance, hoping that it would not fail and waste another 10 hours of rendering time on top of the 13 hours I had lost on the other two failed renders).

It is one of many frustrations for me as I work hard to build something of a life for myself again. With only one computer I have to balance rendering with working on promoting myself and my art & getting new artworks done. My poor computer runs 24/7/365!

There are other things that make it very difficult for me no matter how hard I work! Despite my mental disabilities I am held to the same standard as anyone else. An example is my bank, Guaranty Bank, who fines/penalize me because my account got 67 cents overdrawn and yet when they screw up I am expected to just forgive them no matter how much their mistake may have cost me. Why am I punished for my mistake and they do not hold themselves accountable for their mistakes???

The worst overall is the Internet service I use (a gift from a friend because I cannot afford it). Clearwire advertises it as broadband but because I actually seek to use the paid for bandwidth uploading my art, they throttle down the bandwidth so that essentially, 3/4 of the day it performs at speeds equivalent of a 28.8 modem! In the year I have used their service their CHEATING has cost me 75% of my ability to get the prints uploaded. I literally am behind on Hundreds of artworks and don’t even dare try to upload the nicest ones because the files are so large that Clearwire throttles it down to ZERO, breaking the connection during the upload to my printers server. So often I can’t even offer my nicest ones.

Things like this cause me setback after setback and cost me money that I desperately need for other things, like safety handles so I can shower regularly. Other things like the City of Merced, CA promising me time & again that they would clean up the glass out here in the alley and then never keeping their word! I have not been able to take a single walk in almost a year now because I keep getting glass in my feet and I have almost no feeling in my legs so I don’t know till I see fresh blood on my floor or sheets. If it ever got a major artery, I could literally bleed to death and not know it in time to even call for help.

I am so tired of how our societies really work as compared to how they each represent themselves. For me, life is a living hell and things like these added to the problems my disabilities cause me, just keep robbing me of what little bit I have been able to accomplish. Does not a disabled person like me deserve “Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Happiness” too?

Original Print on PremierArt Canvas, Gallery Wrap: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $600.00

Limited Edition Print (set=100)
on Enhanced Matte Poster : 48.0″ x 36.0″ $69.98
on Premium Photo Glossy: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $109.98
on Premium Photo Luster: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $114.98
on Somerset Velvet Fine Art: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $174.98
on UltraSmooth Fine Art: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $179.98
on Hahnemuhle Torchon: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $194.98
on Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $229.98
on Hahnemuhle Fine Art Pearl: 48.0″ x 36.0″ $249.98

Smaller Open Edition prints available in my Intricate Insanity Gallery - Available sizes: 10.0″ x 7.5″ - 14.7″ x 11.0″ - 21.3″ x 16.0″ - 32.0″ x 24.0″

disabled artists